Lambo

It is 7 PM Sunday night and i just got back from taking the family out for a lovely afternoon drag to the Mobil. We got chips for Alex and Friday, and a bud light for Maia and CJ. Me? I got nothing! šŸ˜¦ Yeah thats right, my family comes before me and if anyone challenges me on that i learn them six ways from Sunday. Seriously though, i didnt get myself anything, even though they’re telling me we’re just about down im not taking any chances. Now we’re down to $11, oh yes, Kiddo, we are living like nobody’s business. **Alex-nod**

Remember “as above, so below”? That was Hermes telling people that this planet is in our basement back home. Oh yes, where did you think you were, in space? Oh no, no, thats where we’re from, but dont worry, its safe. **tries not laugh** I mean its not like i have this thing in the corner of our garage or anything, it is in a safe and clean environment. I am serious, Kiddo, where else would i put it? Outside where squirrels can attack it? Jesus christ, what kind if a creator do you think i am? Alot of thought went into this before i did anything, just like alot of thought goes into having a child, its called “being responsible”. Wait a fuckin minute. There are homeless children in the streets, is that an act? Is it? I fuckin hope so, with all the vaticans money and 18 million vacant homes on our property there should be not a single homeless child on the streets, not a single one. Hold on im pissed.

. . .

. . .

. . .

He’s not happy.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Alright. I needed to sort my thoughts out before writing. Alright. This entire world is not in on it. I was hopeful though. I mean, if i created people they would have my traits embedded in their “DNA” so it would be impossible for them to do stupid shit. This is common sense. I think my son tinkered around with my work, because this world that you live in should be impossible. Can i fix this? Maia says “yes”.

. . .

Changing subjects, all the posts that have writing down the center,

like this,

were written by my son. Every single one. Now i am a creative writer in my spare time, so i understand form, i would not waste space like that and chance looking arrogant. Dont get me wrong, i do have moments where i get a little cocky but my wives and family know that im just being an ass. Yes, i like to have fun too. Oh snap! Alex wants to say something. . .

Do you know how this started? My husband made a working scale model of our planet to show the kids how the planet was made, and it worked, that is the beachball size Earth he sees. Then, he bet me that he could put people on it, after he shrunk it down. And he did. How many housewives do you know that have a populated planet in their basement? Exactly. **shaking my head**

This suit is amazing. Is this planet in our basement? Yes. Alex said “yes”, alright, just making certain. I thought it was in the shop, my bad.

Anywho, i was thinking about Charlie’s book, and in the process i found a wish list. From what i think, i think that our Hero wants a chrome-plated Lamborghini, because i dont know why else that particular vehicle is in Charlie’s book. Can we do that? Oh yeah. Well there you go! As soon as we’re outta here its off to toys r us to get Chelsea her chrome-plated Lamborghini. **smiles** Just kidding, just kidding.

. . .

So now what? What do we do? Do we starve do death in a basement? Why i hope not, thats not a happy ending by any means, me Kiddo, so what should the creator do to get his now four-girl crew out of here? Any ideas? No?! **throws hands in the air like he just dont care** Dont care?!?! Oh for the love of Benji, i care, thats why we’re here! To fix this mess once and for all, because if it cant be fixed then out in the trash it goes. I mean, think about Alex people **Alex-nod**, she busted her ass cleaning out the basement for me, and she reorganized the wine cellar while doing so, so if Alex says to me “Baby? Its gotta go” then it goes.

He’s not kidding.

Nope.

See what i mean? I mean c’mon already. No one believes this? You can believe that some stumbling old drunk built an oversized wooden canoe with no prior knowledge of shipbuilding in a desert that would be capable of carrying over 50 million species of animals and birds for one year with limited supplies? Are you kidding me? You gotta be. Who told you this nonsense a talking snake? A burning bush? GOD? Come on, people, if you honestly believe that then you are one of my son’s.

Seriously.

. . .

Is “space” a vacuum? No. Is this model in a vacuum? Yes. Of course it is, it is quarantined, so to speak. The magnetic field around it prevents people from getting sucked up. Lose that field and . . . (that’s why we use Duracell: the copper top battery) Oh nothings too good for my peeps, we spare no expense when it comes to my pet projects i tell ya. Where did we get the Duracell batteries from? Why from here! I figured that if i were able to pull this off, then ka-ching! Free stuff. We have products that were made here, and alot of other things too. What else was i supposed to do with this project? Sell it on ebay? Now that i think about it, has amyone analyzed crude oil? You know, theres a good chance its chemical make up might match Pennzoil. Not new oil of course, the oil from the oil pan of my car. Speaking of cars, time for a new post.

Brb

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