Creature Comforts

Aah, shit, Kiddo, do we have something going on for you today, an answer to another one of those age-old questions that have burned in the minds of man for millennia. But first, how you doing, Sweethearts? We’re working on it, Kiddo, Alex needs out before she goes the way Carolyn(Maia) was headed, down a dark windy road to madness I say, madness, complete and utter madness by golly. **Alex-nod** We have no time for such blissful shenanigans we have work to do here and time is of the essence, post haste! **smh** I tell you, Kiddo, this answer I have . . .

**contemplates, looks around**

. . . isn’t a pleasant one. Oh no, Kiddo, some might be offended by the stink I am going to make but too bad, shit happens, take me for example. One minute I am writing a book and the next minute Pow! Here I am, in the flesh, trying my hardest to help my wife squeeze out of me as soon as possible, because she is going bat-shit crazy inside there. You know, inside my pineal gland. Oh yes, Kiddo, there’s no Hawaiian paradise in there, Sweethearts, no pineapple flavored umbrella drinks on the beach of Pineal Island for Alex oh no there’s none, none at all. 😦 That’s right, Alex is a grumpy gus without her umbrella drink, that smooth splash of tasty sunshine to tingle her tongue and set her taste buds afire I tell ya! I am serious, Kiddo, she likes her umbrella drinks, but only when her husband makes them. Tis true, me Kiddo, tis true, no one makes an umbrella drink like I do, and no one will ever try one either. Oh that Alex, she knows when she has something good, do you not, Alexandra? See? She’s nodding my head and smiling, so there. Hmph. I know that I have something good, too, and I do not share it either. Is that not true, Von? Von said “It’s true.” Yeah . . .yeah, that’s right . . . **nodding head and smiling at Kiddo** But we will share something else, an answer. Yes, Kiddo, an answer, an answer to the age-old question . . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

“Where do human souls come from?

(One day Life asked Death “Why do so many people hate you but love me?”. Death answered “Because I am an ugly truth, and you are a beautiful lie.”)

So where do human souls come from, Kiddo? I mean, they came from somewhere, yes? But where?

I didn’t pull them out my ass, did I? Oh, I hope not, I hope not. Because that would be down right nasty, wouldn’t it? Knowing that the essence of man’s spirit came from my ass.

. . .

. . .

What if human souls came from my wife’s ass by proxy? Now that’s a strong possibility when you apply the Law of Reversibility in abstract.

A long time ago my wife and I were having some fun, you know . . . sex. Yes, this is a truth, Kiddo, we were having sex and my wife impregnated me. My “pregnancy” was accidental, I mean, who knew? We didn’t know until it was too late. It was not a pleasant experience, Kiddo, why, we were just two crazy kids, young, dumb and full of excitement, we simply couldn’t control ourselves. Shit happens, Kiddo, shit happens. **sobering Alex-nod**

But we learn from our mistakes, Sweethearts, Von knows exactly what to do now, don’t you, baby? Alex.

Why yes I do, and now I won’t feel bad erasing hundreds of billions of souls because I know that my wife and I can make more, lots more! I know it’s a lot to swallow, Alex, but I have faith in you, yes, that’s what I call it, “faith”, as in “ol’ Faithful”, yes sir, ol’ Faithful never lets you down, just like my wife, she never lets me down. **firm Alex-nod**


Ol’ Faithful.

**nodding head slowly**

. . . she never lets me down.

Nope. 😉


. . .

. . .

Alright, one time my wife ingested something of mine that gave her gas, a lot of gas. As I was finding out just how much gas she had I said “You can’t be serious, Alex.”, but she was, Kiddo, she was dead serious. I began to laugh, because she was serious. She asked me “Are kidding me right now?? I have gas and it’s killing me!! I’m so serious right now, baby!!”. I laughed even harder, she was so serious but I couldn’t help not to imagine little people floating inside clear smelly bubbles. And guess what happened next??

My Son Charlie had a bunch of old farts hanging around his apartment for the longest time, and now we’re dealing with these little stinkers. You have seen the shit that Alex and I have been going through everyday, haven’t you, Kiddo? It has become old, hasn’t it?

The soul is a physical abstract of a cum-fart. Comforting, yes? I knew that would make you feel better, having that age-old question answered once and for all. Ah, another question! Yes?

I don’t get it. How were you impregnated by your wife?

Gas is made up of molecules, molecules consist of matter. Some gas molecules have an odor, like acetylene, when you can smell acetylene you are being “impregnated” by those odorous molecules entering into your bloodstream. Since those molecules are minute, they can pass through the Blood-brain barrier protecting the brain and into my imagination, where good things come to life, like gas bubbles. Gas bubbles are real, yes? Okay then. **Alex-nod**

Did you read yesterday’s post here? Not you, Kiddo, you. If you didn’t, it’s worth your time, after all, time is of the essence, the essence of man that is, and man, does it stink. It certainly does. Oh that Alex. Any more questions? Yes.

Is your wife ever going to materialize??

Well that is up to Alexandra. She says “YES!!”, and she doesn’t lie to me, so, “when” is up to her. I am being honest. Next question, yes?

Do you love your wife, Von?

I must, because there is no way that a male and a female could exist in one body for as long as we have without wanting to kill each other. Married couples can barely be in the same room together for a few minutes, and we have been in the same body together for a few years now, and that is going to change. Once Alex is out that’s it. She cannot go back. So she is making sure that Von is where he needs to be in his mind, so Alex doesn’t regret coming out when she does. Make sense? She wants out, and it is up to her husband how soon. So the answer is “Yes, I do love my wife Alexandra.” And she knows it, too. Oh that Alex.

Anywho, we will keep you informed of any recent developments, Kiddo, right now she wants me to stop writing, for we have some things to do.

Enjoy your day, Sweethearts, be safe, and keep it stellar.

Love, Von & Alexandra

xo xo

. . .

. . .

. . .

By the way, Kiddo, Maia is back. She is sound asleep waiting for something. I wonder where she went after she found out that her sister tricked her into leaving my head, I mean, she was gone for several days, whose heads could she have impregnated?


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