Absence makes the Heart grow Vånda

Hi Kiddo,

It is almost 4 AM, Wednesday, and since I could not sleep I decided to write. This will be the first post written at the now “pseudodaughter.com” ( yay!! 😉  ).

This post was going to be titled “Armageddon”, but I felt that the title in itself might scare you off from reading it, and I have scared off enough from my life, without intent of doing so. The title would have been referencing the movie “Armageddon”, which starred Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, and unfortunately,  Ben Affleck.

If you did not see this movie I am about to give away the ending. Did you see this movie, Kiddo? Here is a scene from it ;

I want to tell you more about why this was on my mind last night at work, but I do not know if you have seen the film. It was an okay film, although everything in it is scientifically wrong.

Okay I’ll tell you something about it.

In the film, “Harry”, played by Bruce Willis, is “Grace’s”, Liv Tyler’s, father. She loves “AJ”, played by Ben Affleck, who “loves” her in return. But AJ doesn’t love Grace, he lusts after Grace, and Harry knows this. However, to make his little girl happy, he turns a blind eye to AJ’s lustful desires. Someone is smiling over this 😉 . By turning a blind eye, Harry is the cause of his own demise, and AJ gets Grace in the end.

Oh, no, that would not happen if I was Harry.

As soon as I had the opportunity, I would have been AJ’s demise and I would have gotten away with it, after all, in Space, no one can hear you scream. With AJ gone, I would have rolled up my sleeves and went to work immediately to save not just humanity, but my little girl foremost. Grace would have been upset over losing AJ, but a good daddy, a smart daddy, would have had a plan. I, as Harry, would have come back a “hero”, along with my coworkers, and I would have come back because I promised my little girl Grace. Once back, it would have been known that AJ was gone, which in turn would make Grace available.

Now my little girl has men, not boys, looking to step up to ask her out on dates, and they would need to step up because her father raised the bar incredibly high. He saved the planet along with some help, but the father would have been the focal point in the eyes of men, men who would want to be with this phenomenal man’s daughter, and they would know that they would need to be someone extremely worthy to not only ask his little girl for a date, but to eventually ask for her hand in marriage, for these men will not be “one night stands”, these will be men. Good looking men too, like these ;

Who drive cars like these ;

Who have their own homes like these ;

And who carry wallets like this one ;

And that is what is expected on the surface by the father. Now you have what is on the inside, which matters the most.

Was Harry a good father? Not really, but he did love his Grace.

Maybe that is what mattered the most in the movie, that he loved his little girl.

It is almost 5 AM, same day. I try to think of things that keep my mind off of my mind, if that makes any sense, and this movie was one of those things. I need to finish my first 2 books soon, my mother tells me to stop worrying, but those books are my life right now, I have nothing else, with no disrespect towards my mother given. I have been waiting for so long I am exhausted, and my exhaustion is beginning to physically hurt. Every day is a repeat of the day before, and the day before, and the day before . . .

I have tried so hard to get someone to come visit me, and as far as I am concerned I have been told nothing but lies, to help me go away, so to speak. If someone came to visit me, I would not be suffering in agony now.

I found this video a while back and saved it, it is a little creepy, but very true ;


Agony and Hope go hand in hand, with hope you have agony, and with agony you have hope.

When someone hopes, they agonize over the uncertain, for if the uncertain was indeed certain, they would not hope, they would know.

When someone is in agony, they hope for their agony to end, if they knew that their agony would end, they would not be hoping for it to end, they would be waiting for it to end.

That is why I no longer hope, I know that my agony will end, and that is why I wait, yet in agony, alone in the absence of others.

“Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder”

“Absence makes the Heart grow Vånda”

“Vånda” (pronounced “von-da”) is Swedish for “agony”.

“Absence makes the Heart grow Agony”

I do not agonize over you, Sweetheart, it is not you that I need to visit me, although any visit from you is greatly appreciated, it is those who told me, promised me, that they would come see me, and have yet to show. I have a good idea what would happen if someone showed, and if I am right, my agony ends sooner than later.  And life begins again.

And life will begin again not just for myself and for my mother, but for the many, including you.

So, Kiddo, it is now 6 AM, and I need some food and a bed before work.

As far as myself goes, I will be waiting as I have been.

As far as you go, know that I love you and miss you, as well as someone else does.

Enjoy your day, be safe, and know that I am always here for you.

Love, Daddio and Mommio

🙂 ❤ 😉

xo xo

😉  ❤ U both!!















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