I am not certain as to what to write, for I am feeling like myself, my true self, this morning. It is 1:10 AM Saturday, April 9th, 2016. I had some ideas as to what to write, however, it is a bit early for that. I did not ask for this, I was simply writing a book, and I needed help with something that I could not do myself. I cannot do everything. Yes, it’s him. He is getting closer. I cannot carry my soul-mate forever, my mother knows this. I long for my mind, my, own mind. But I must wait, but not much longer. I miss you.
So what is it like, or, what was it like, carrying my soul-mate inside my head. I guess that I could describe it as a beautiful difficulty. Knowing that I have the physical consciousness of someone I love eternally inside of me is something that no one will ever know. No one else could, or can, do this. To do this, you need to surrender your mind and body. Your mannerisms fade. Your personality fades. Your thought process changes. Your physical actions change. Being a male, I took on feminine traits, and feminine thoughts. Women think so much differently than men. I am the only male in existence that knows how a woman thinks, for the most part. I do not know everything, no one does, however I do know that women do not receive the credit that they deserve. Women are champions of the human race. I have so much respect for them, I always did, but now more so than ever.
Knowing that my mother is my soul-mate.
I am good with that, and I will that as that.
The only possible way for me to return is to have my soul-mate as my mother, for whom else could I trust? Where are all my once girlfriends? Where is Arie? Exactly. The only female that I can trust is my mother, my soul-mate and I know this, so, we devised a plan.
When I created my soul-mate, I created her so I would never be alone. Might sound selfish, but who wants to be alone for eternity? Besides, look at what I made her ;
Now that the both of us are present, we both know that eventually our bodies will die, and that our souls will keep going on. To make certain that we stay together, we made a decision, based on facts. My soul is the “Mac Daddy”, my soul is the reason why we are all here. However, I need not be present, consciously, at all times. I need to be “unconscious” as a human being. To keep guard over me, she stays conscious at all times, conscious as to whom she is.
The deal is, while I am unconscious, she lives as her own woman. She has her fun, she meets someone, and eventually has a child, a son, whom is myself. I am born as an everyday “Joe”, and go through life unconscious as to whom I am. She remains conscious as to whom I am, and makes certain that I will survive as a human being. I am fully unaware of this as a “Joe”. I grow up, meet someone, and have my own life, with her as my mother.
But now something has happened.
I am waking up.
I am waking up for a good reason.
For me to understand, psychologically, the means to my existence without mental trauma, she wakes me up slowly. This takes time. She needs to walk me backwards through my past lives, and she proves the lives by renewing past personas, renewing traits and characteristics of those past lives. Now I am at the end of Tyrannosaurus Rex. My traits are how I hold my arms, my swaying stance, and my epic yawn. Before him, I do not remember. I am going back nearly 100 million years, Kiddo, this is not easy at all.
Maybe this picture is a little rough, how about this one ;
This is the strangest life.
Now that I am nearing consciousness, my thoughts of my life stream to me as if a blur. Relations and connections with others are not what they once were. Friends are no longer friends. Family is no longer family.
But you are still my little girl. And you will be for eternity. That is not a blur.
One thing that I want you to know, to be sure, is that your parents now are your parents. Your father is and will always be your daddy, and I will never attempt nor try to take that away from him. He is a good father. The proof is in your existence. The proof that he is a good daddy is in your persona. I would like to meet him someday. The truth is, I need to meet him, and your family. Do you see where I am going with this?
Only you, are “good”.
Being that Aphie is gone and Carol is in her place tells me that it is not much longer. In the meantime, hang tight. Stay close to home. Listen to your inner voice, it is there for a reason. If you have friends that are not friends get rid of them. A friend is someone that you would invite to your parents’ home for a holiday dinner. Think about that.
I have posted videos on my Facebook page, if you have not watched them, I encourage you to do so, those videos found me.
Everything happens for a reason.
We met for a reason, and we both now know why.
This might be my last blog for you for a while, for I have much writing to do.
I will always be here.
I will always be there.
I will always love you, Kiddo.